talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
