hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We are all done wearing pants today
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
