thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
