Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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