it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize