i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
