i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
