Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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