I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Never let your siblings swipe right.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
