There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
