Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
