So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
