it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
