i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
