Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
