So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
