it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
