They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
