I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
