i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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