Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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