after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
