I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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