just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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