If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
