I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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