Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
