my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
