Quick, to the slutcave!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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