I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
cat food counts as protein by the way
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
