plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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