You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
