Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
