I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
