Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
