and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize