I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
