She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
