He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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