then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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