dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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