i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
