i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
