My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
