My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
