I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He? As in you personified your dick?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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