just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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