Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
