tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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