Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize