Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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