He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
