So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
