Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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