Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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