OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
