you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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