Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
