pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm eating all of the evidence.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize