the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
