Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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