How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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