note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize