You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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