It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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