the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
