i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize