I'm really into asian looking animals
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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