dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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