areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize