I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
